creativity

i have always loved art and crafty stuff.  i was always drawing & coloring & painting as a kid.  i took all the art classes i could squeeze into my schedule in high school.  i like to create things.  sometimes the desire is so strong it overwhelms me.  i  love to go to craft stores and buy stuff.  i spend hours online looking at crafty blogs and websites that inspire me.  i have subscriptions to several craft magazines.  i'm not a "country" craft kinda gal.  i like quirky pieces.  i like clean graphics.  i like messy art.  i like unique stuff.

but here's the problem.

i never actually make stuff.  since high school, i feel i have been stunted in my creativity.  and i'm pretty sure i know what is holding me back.  

fear.

i'm afraid of making a mistake.  i'm afraid of my art not being "perfect."  i'm afraid of making something ugly.  i'm afraid that i'm not any good at this art/craft thing.  i'm afraid i'm not creative enough. i'm afraid i'm not original. i horde my supplies.  i don't want to use them because i might screw something up and then i will have wasted them.

i'm not sure when exactly when i began to fear so much.  but i do know this, the longer i keep myself from creating, the stronger my fear becomes.  

so this is my vow.  to start creating again.  to just do it.  i know the hardest part is just getting started.  to take that first step.  to push past the fear and create with no regards to the final outcome.  who cares if it isn't perfect, if it's not pleasing to the eye, if i screw up?  i need to focus on the process.  free my creative side.  it will make my soul feel good, whole.

because being creative is a part of who i am.